Today we will deal with the most important part of any healthy relationship: trust. However, despite all the value it has, the lack of it is something that almost everyone struggles constantly. To understand the reason why we tend to distrust and what we must do to improve that situation, we must first define what it really means to have confidence.
Trusting someone is feeling safe with and of that person, both physically and emotionally. This trust is not granted simply by demand, but is gained through words and especially actions, which show us (little by little) who really deserves it. It is very important to remember that the level of trust while increasing, can also decrease (in the same way, with actions and / or words), and understand that it is much easier to lose it, than to build it or recover it.
Types Of Trust:
1. The Simple Trust
It is what we provide without much thought, but at the same time it is usually very fragile and we usually give it to someone or something that we do not care much or that we will probably not see again. And once it is lost, it almost never recovers.
An example would be the trust we give to a new brand or store where we acquire some material good. If what we have acquired soon after is damaged or does not work as we expected, we probably will not buy there again.
2. The Authentic Trust
It is one that is earned through merit, and that is also conditional and limited. This means that, by changing some factors in the relationship, this type of trust could decrease, or also increase.
For example: if we are working with another person on a project and know that he is someone responsible and well trained, we will probably trust that he will do a good job. But if we see that there is any delay, change in the work plan, etc., we will make the necessary consultations to understand what is happening.
3. The Blind Trust
It is when you trust something or someone so much that there is a refusal to accept any kind of evidence that could go against what that person says or does. This type of trust is usually provided by someone who is easy to manipulate. and it occurs both in personal, work, religious or political relationships.
Defining the type of trust you have for a person will help you to understand much better the relationship they have and the ways in which it can be improved.
How To Trust Yourself?
The first relationship of trust in which you need to work is your own, because trusting yourself will give you security.
Only a person who is confident in himself, in his abilities and in his beliefs, is able to defend them from whatever is necessary and overcome any situation that may arise. And if this is the case, the opinions that other people have about you will not harm you or divert you from the path towards your goals.
But be careful: trust in ourselves should not be blind, as there are constructive criticisms that we must take into account to grow and overcome.
Self-confidence is acquired through self-knowledge. If you determine what things are important to you and you know those in which you are good (and also in which you are not so much), there will be nothing and no one to make you doubt your abilities to reach your goals.
How To Maintain Trust?
- Feed your thoughts, through positive affirmations.
- Get away from toxic people who seek to harm our self-esteem.
- Fulfill each of the goals you set.
- Be tolerant of ourselves and maintain a positive attitude towards our mistakes.
How Can We Build A Relationship Of Trust?
If we want to achieve a healthy relationship, it is necessary to create an authentic trust for that person. That is something that is not built in a day and although it is not fragile like simple trust, it is not blind either, so it must always be taken care of.
When we start a relationship with someone (whether personal, work, spiritual, etc.), we only have our instinct to determine whether that person is reliable or not. And it is good that in the beginning we are guided by instinct, but as time passes, we must determine the trustworthiness of the person through their behavior and actions.
A key point in an authentic trust relationship is that it must be mutual, because otherwise it will not work.
To achieve this, both parties must comply with the following standards:
1. Don’t Be Afraid
Trusting someone also means taking the risk of being hurt in the event that trust is broken. If this happens, another thing you should understand is that life goes on, and that there will be many other people who will be worthy of your trust.
Give people the opportunity to prove who they are, and you also show everything you have to offer.
2. Keep Your Word And Never Lie
The basis of all trust is that they believe in you. And nobody is going to do it if your actions do not match your words, or if you lie deliberately.
If you don’t think you are capable of accomplishing something, you better not commit.
When others realize that you are someone who fulfills what you say, they will feel (mostly) committed to treating you with the same respect.
3. Allow Your Errors
If you made a mistake and you are not able to admit it, that is also lying, which will make people doubt you and your intentions.
Accept your mistake and find a way to amend it; The people involved will surely appreciate it.
4. Learn To Communicate What You Want
Bad communication can lead to lack of trust. If the commitments of those involved in the relationship have not been made clear, this lends itself to misunderstandings that, at the same time, generate distrust.
For example, if you stayed with your partner to go to dinner, but you did not specify the date well, it may be waiting for you without knowing that you were referring to another day.
5. Learn To Express Your Feelings
Just as it is very important to communicate your needs or desires in words, it is necessary that you be able to make the other person understand what you are feeling. Good emotion management is another key to building trust.
If, for example, you do not know how to handle your anger, surely the other person will not feel safe with you, which amounts to distrust.
6. Take Into Account Others
It is one thing not to let yourself be carried away by everything that others say or think about you, and another very different thing is to ignore valid comments.
Listen to people carefully, especially if they try to communicate what they want or feel. Just as being heard makes us feel valued, we need to do the same for others, if what we want is to gain their trust.
7. Provide Your Help
It is not enough to hear the evils or problems of a person. If that someone really matters to us, it is normal that we want to help them overcome them.
If you support someone consistently, that will make you seem that you are someone they can trust and also count (as they say right there) “in good times and in bad times.”
8. Do Only What You Think Is Correct
Don’t do things just because of peer pressure or seeking the approval of someone else. Otherwise, it means you don’t really trust yourself and what you deserve.
If you stand firm in your convictions, you will show everyone that you are not an unstable or easy-to-manipulate person. In addition, your attitude will generate confidence in you, even if they disagree with you.
9. Don’t Rush
Do not expect to obtain great confidence from others in a short time. It may be that the person with whom you are barely engaging in a relationship has been injured or deceived in the near past and it costs a little more to tear down its walls.
But if you feel comfortable enough to provide more confidence than you think you receive, do so. Remember that it is a team work and perhaps that additional step on your part, can provide the necessary peace of mind to the other person, to achieve more progress.
How to Rebuild The Lost Trust?
In the event that you lost the confidence you had in someone, or while a person lost confidence in you, the situation can be quite delicate.
Rebuilding lost confidence requires a lot of time, work and, above all, a lot of patience. But more important than any of those three things, it is that both parties must really be willing to try to rebuild it to make it work.
If so, then they should start from scratch, forgetting everything that happened in the past and paying special attention to the 9 rules mentioned above.
If you have betrayed your trust in the past, today (most likely) you will find it harder to trust. So, if you are trying to start a new relationship, something you should always keep in mind in your thinking is that the current person was not the one who hurt you, and therefore does not deserve to pay for it.
The fact that you have been deceived or betrayed before does not give you the right to try to control those who cross your path from now on. That could end your future relationships very quickly.
If you think that you have been fighting for a long time with a lack of trust in people, or do you think that the relationships you have tried to establish have failed again and again because of the same, you may have to try to talk to a professional who can help you acquire again The ability to trust others.